• Debate: blaming, defending, criticizing
  • Discussion: self-promoting
  • Dialogue: inclusive, explorative

Body Language: SOLER

  • Squarely
  • Open Posture
  • Lean
  • Eye Contact
  • Relax


“I” Messages: I feel  (feeling)  when  (behaviour)  because  (explanation). I would like (request).

Compassionate Communication Self:

  1. When I (saw, heard, etc) the observation
  2. I felt (feeling)
  3. Because I was wanting (needs, hopes)
  4. And I would now like (request)

Compassionate Communication Others:

  1. When you (saw, heard, etc) the observation
  2. Did you feel (guess feeling)
  3. Because you were wanting (guess needs)
  4. And would you now like (guess request)
  • Closed: Do you?, Are you? Is your? Helps focus and is restrictive limiting responder to Yes, No, Maybe, I don’t know.
  • Open: Who?, What?, Where?, When?,  How? Broader and encourages own answers.
  • Why?: can create sense of blame, criticizing, interrogation
  • Empathy: mirroring back emotions (external feelings)
  • Paraphrasing: mirroring back essence
  • Encouragers: I see, Mm, hmmm, Really? Tell me more, Would you like to talk about it?

Four Skills of Dialoguing:

  1. Suspension of judgment
  2. Deep listening
  3. Noticing assumptions
  4. Inquiry and reflection

Communication Barriers:

  1. Anger – can be justified, don’t take it personally
  2. Despair – let them take the lead
  3. Negativity – be patient and model hope
  4. Misunderstanding – let go of need to be right
  5. Understand meaning – clarify common assumptions
  6. Authenticity/Transparency – own personal feelings

Advocacy: acting and/or speaking on another’s behalf to help them get what they need.


  • Get facts straight and complete
  • Suggest a solution
  • Mobilize support when necessary
  • Be prepared
  • Be persistent
  • Be polite

Cultural Competence: ongoing learning process that:

  • Starts with self-awareness
  • Enhances with specific skills
  • Grows with knowledge
  • Develops through cross-cultural encounters


  • Generalizations
  • Discrimination
  • Stereotyping
  • Racism
  • Language
  • Culture
  • Environment
  • Mistrust
  • Sex/Gender
  • Age
  • Psychological Illness
  • Body language
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