With This Ring…
Something wasn’t quite right. My body felt different: it looked and felt fuller and had so many curves. On my head hung a small white hat; a veil pleasantly obscured vision. Feeling down my body, its curvaceous form was robed in white full-length wedding dress. Apparently, I was dreaming I was a bride.
Science owed a debt to dreams whether understanding them or not. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and Friedrich August Kekulé von Stradonitz‘s benzene structure for instance. Now, flitting between sleep and wake states, mind struggled to conceive what it meant to be a man dressed as a woman. Was I in drag or secretly a cross-dresser? I had a feminine side just like anyone, but I’d never worn a dress let alone a wedding dress – at least as far as I could remember. Wanting to know my gender, but unwilling to compromise my lady-like persona by lifting up my dress, I undid a shoulder strap. A more than ample breast plopped out then transformed into a full loaf of sliced white bread. The symbolism of breast to bread to feeding and nurturing needed little explanation.
Around me men in grey suits stood at arm’s length symbolic of my ongoing relationships with them. It was obvious by the lack of women that I wasn’t at a bridal shower. Yet regardless of not knowing why they were there or what they were doing it felt so good to know they were still there. The air crackled with electricity. Another man made his presence known. My heart skipped a beat. I tried not to stare. Through veiled obscurity, my heart melted. Who was this tall, handsome, and dashing young blond-haired man dressed in a light blue suit? And why was he having such an effect over me? Then it hit me: if I was the bride then he just might be the groom. I blushed. This was the day I’d been waiting for all my life.
He approached; my heart skipped another beat. I tensed, yet remained self-composed for I sensed intrinsically there was nothing to be afraid of. The other men encircled me protectively and I motioned to let him pass. I felt so important, so regal, yet not enough to let it get the better of me. Our eyes met. My heart exploded into a cascade of loving emotions. I wistfully played with my long auburn hair before bunching it up to form a crown atop my head. At its peak, a green flame burned bright atop my crown chakra.
I woke up feeling warm and giddy. I couldn’t believe it I was getting married!
Rather than turning to logic, I let its metaphorical language permeate my senses in sensual loving waves. Messages came forth gently imprinting my psyche with their essence until one finally took form: ‘Mike you can’t tell me what to do.’ Those were the words uttered by my last student before leaving. Was he the groom? I hoped so. I was more than ready to make that deadly plunge.
When he’d initially stated them, I was taken aback by their mature, wise and loving nature. I listened as I always did, letting them permeate every cell of my being. I tried to speak, but then stopped. Fumbling like an inept fool, I looked at him. Eyes, non-judgmental and inviting greeted me. Confused, I brushed aside my fears and let needing to be right and fearing to be wrong greet and embrace one another. Energy surged up my spine and into my head. My once guttural tongue of ‘hey you; listen; what’s up? I want to; and do this’ transformed into politer forms of address: ‘excuse me; may I say something?; What’s on your mind?; May I have your permission? and would you like to?’
Other feelings appeared robed in their respective attires and shone like bright stars from my heart’s center. Within their light, I wasn’t afraid to face my fears anymore.
Light shone and fell upon his beautiful face. Where others saw a drunk, addicted, incompetent and mentally ill layabout, I stood before an angel in human form. To the sounds of heavenly orchestrations, we became instruments of love personified. Feeling nothing but the utmost love and respect for my fellow human being, I stood naked before him and fell headlong into love’s willing embrace. My heart burst open and cried tears of joy before surrendering to his majesty. I had finally met my match.
“Sleep now my loved one. Tomorrow awaits….” Gently closing his eyes, he fell asleep and purred like a cat.
Despite our seeming many differences, I’d never met anyone who commanded so much love and attention like him before. Unlike those who hid behind money, education and job status, he was young yet old as time itself. Though scruffy, respect enrobed him in their finest cloth. Though strong, he had dared bare his weaknesses before me as I to him. Though he didn’t finish school, he remained open-minded and eager to learn. Though he wasn’t HIV and I was, he cared about me. How could I not love that?
As for me, though I was older, I wasn’t necessarily wiser especially when it came to looking after myself. Though compassionate to a fault, I saw beauty where others saw fault or nothing at all. Oh yes, I was a true Pisces in every sense of the word. All he needed was a chance to live, learn and love again. And I wanted to offer him those things without taking away his God-given rights.
Together and apart, he’d been so instrumental on my journey. In one vision he I saw him seated on his bike at my front door. He looked fuller and healthier and emotionally more mature. Unsure of whether he was coming or going, I shrugged it off until a few days later when he sat on his bike as in my vision. Though he was leaving, he wasn’t mad. If anything he and I were pleased yet for different reasons. In spite of my not really wanting or needing it, I’d asked him to leave for taking something from me without my permission. We were both actors in the drama the Universe had created for us. He had to leave and I had to let him go in order for ‘prophecy’ to be fulfilled. Only then did we have the opportunity to see ourselves more clearly and learn from the parting of ways.
Awed by the sheer majesty in which the Universe gave us our lessons, I awaited his return once more. What could be more beautiful than that?
Even though I too liked company, no one could tell me what to do either. Yet, of all the people I’d ever met, he moved me like no other. To a chorus of ‘there’s more ‘fish in the sea’ and ‘he’s not coming back’ I stood my ground patiently waiting for what my heart knew it wanted. Besides after snagging my fair share of fish in the deep waters of life, I could wait a little longer. Like Elvis had sung in the romantic ballad ‘As Long As I Have You,’ ‘…you’re not my first love, but you’re my last.’
With little money and materialistic distractions, we could see one another for the beautiful human beings we truly were. If that wasn’t love, then I didn’t know what was?
© Michael J. Varma, The Gong Show, 2011 –
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